dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
