Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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