I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
