Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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