Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
