Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
