If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
