I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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