Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
