wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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