Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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