I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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