I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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