we're blogging at a bar
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
