you win again, gameday.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
did i walk over a car last night?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
