let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
