The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
