Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
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