His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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