Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This is classic penis vs brain.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
