WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
