so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
