dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
