thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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