i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
