They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I party with great urgency now.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
