There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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