Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
