I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she peed on how many people?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
