oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize