Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
