Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
