Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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