all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
