i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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