All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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