I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
