My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
