Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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