You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize