I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Randomize
