New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
