i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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