dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
