Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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