i was born a porn star she said
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
