Ketchup is God's man juice
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
