well I can't set my house on fire every night
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize
