Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
