If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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