this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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