at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
