pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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