Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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