my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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