Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
