Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
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