God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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