Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
