I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
