oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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