Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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