i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
