i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
