Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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