Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
