this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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