Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
