Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
