I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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