her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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