just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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