Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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